so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
