I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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