Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
