he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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