They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
