I am spending my child support on dildos
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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