after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
