There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
