i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
