sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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