Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
