wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
