This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
