i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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