His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
