So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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