Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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