Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
