Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
