So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
should my penis look like a turkey
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
