It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
