omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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