so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cannot find my penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
