so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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