ugly people sure do ruin things
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize