i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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