I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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