my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
