She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
