Your tits are I can't wait for
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
