Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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