so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
