Can i not drive my cunt home
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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