yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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