Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize