i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
