too bad you live with your parents still
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
