arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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