Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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