I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
