I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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