Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
