My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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