Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
