I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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