I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
