but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
