Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I want is dick and wine.
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