A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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