So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
