are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
