What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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