Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am one with the molecules
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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