Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
its liver damage thursday
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