Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I met the friendliest cop last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
